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| I can't believe after two years of never once logging onto this thing, it's still here...
O.o
Wow. Just wow.
It's such a mind trip to go back and read this juvenile shit. Some of it was important, most of it wasn't. Most of it I didn't even have a real reason whine over.
lol
Back to MySpace and Facebook now. :D
myspace.com/bando_chick202
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| I don't do Xanga anymore. I've gone to the Dark Side...! Lol.
See ya on the flip-side.
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| I've had some time to think about all that went down this weekend, and I've come to some comforting realizations.
While yes, I do still love Tom, and i believe I always will, I'm wasting my time crying and trying to understand because I won't ever understand. It'll always hurt, though it will get less as time goes on. He's the first man I gave my heart to, and it ripped me apart to lose that, but he's not the only man in the world. There is a second best somewhere.
The only thing is, I have trouble trusting people, especially guys, and now it's only going to be worse. So I can only date close friends that I've known and trusted for a while. Which means, until I either decide on one I already know, or meet new friends and... think about them for a year or two, I'm stuck in limbo. Who knows, maybe the single life can be good for me. Maybe now I'll find someone who won't treat me like a child and who will respect and love me like they should.
It will be hard to move on, but I have to do it, because to do otherwise would be wasting my life away on a dream that can never be realized.
I had a wonderful epiphany on Tuesday that came, surprisingly, because of my english teacher. I was sitting in class and he walked up, patted my shoulder, and said "Thank God for you" and I realized something wonderful. I alone decide my worth. I alone make my future into what I want it to be, not some jerk I gave my heart to. And someday down the road, I'll find the one person that will hold me and say "Thank God for you" and I'll know I am loved and I belong. Until then, I thank God for every day He gives me to grow and learn from things like this into the woman I am meant to be.
So i'm clearing out my past. I'm sending him back everything he's ever given me, and I'm in the process of burning pictures (which is really quite liberating) and eventually, maybe I'll be able to forgive him. If I can't, I at least hope to forget him. That will be hard because i want to keep in touch with his mother and sister, and I would hate to lose the friendships of Dan and Eric. I want to keep them around, because they really do mean a lot to me. Dan's like my big brother, and Eric is so easy to talk to. It would hurt almost as much to lose them as it did to lose Tom.
So with that, I'm done blogging here for a while. This was a crisis situation and I needed to download, but now I've worked through it and I think I can move on. I think I can find my way.
I love you all, which is why i wanted to let you all know that I'm doing okay now. I'm going to be all right.
<3 Amber | | |
| Guys are assholes. So it's a generality, I don't care. The one man - no, I take it back, he's a BOY - the one BOY that I love with all my heart decides he loves his job more. Screw that. My heart is broken and I don't know what I'm going to do right now, but what I do know is that Tom is a complete jerk at this moment, and I'm going to call in all favors regarding the subject of "you break her heart, I'll break your spine". This is bullshit. Comepletely. It's not right. How can you do that to a person you say you LOVE? How can you love them one day, and then rip out their heart and stomp on it until it's nothing put a pile of quivering hamburger mush?
I gave him heart and soul, and can't get either of them back.
What do I do?
Anyone? How do I decide that I WANT to get up every morning and keep breathing? Because right now, I don't. | | |
| Most of these really are true. Some of them... well, it would depend on the girl. But most of them are SO TRUE. (I restrained myself and didn't spell-check, so bear with me.)
1-touch their waist
2-talk to them
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss them slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends
keep reading
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST
19-tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
..20 u need to show her you mean it too
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff
23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her stuff. small things can still help
we might deny it but we accutally like and kinda want you to get us things
26-DON'T LIE TO HER.
27-DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you
are you still reading this u better be its important
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her
remember this next time you are with her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always Remind her how much you love her.
youll never know when she needs just a lil more love | | |
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